What's another word for...

So here's something interesting that I stumbled across on thesaurus.org: the word "masochist." Notice anything depressing about the suggested synonyms? 

Not only are they all highly inaccurate, but the suggestions with the most votes are: 

degenerate 

pervert

deviate 

I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. And I'm not, really. I am annoyed though. I'm annoyed that the so-called synonyms have to come wrapped in a negative value judgement. And I'm annoyed at the assumption that any of the words on this list even come close to being anything like a synonym. All of those things on that list are very, very different, and very, very specific. 

And sure, of course I shouldn't be relying on some website that suggests avocado as a possible synonym for oak, but it's different. An oak does not equal an avocado. The comparison is stupid, but it's not offensive. 

Oaks aren't avocados, any more than masochists are degenerate. 

I'd say the whole thing is like comparing apples and oranges, but then thesaurus.org probably can't tell the difference. 

The Big Umbrella: The BDSM Blog Hop

BDSM is a big umbrella. Basically, it’s anything from this:

To this:

And pretty much anything you can think of in between. 

Which I guess makes it hard for people with no knowledge of BDSM to form an accurate picture of what it’s all about. And, let’s face it, what do those letters stand for anyway? It is Bondage, Discipline, Sadism and Masochism, or is it the compounded Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, and Sadism and Masochism? And is Sadism and Masochism the same as Sadomasochism? 

And what the hell are all those things anyway?

This stuff is complicated. Except where it's not. 

So here's where I talk about how it's not complicated. What works for you, works for you. What works for me, works for me. That is seriously as complicated as it gets. As long as everyone involved in any activity -- whether it's BDSM, BASE jumping, or tiddlywinks -- has consented to be there and agreed on the rules beforehand, it really is nobody else's business. See? Simple. 

I don’t really want to talk about all the misconceptions about BDSM out there. Frankly, if you follow my blog and you’re following this blog hop, you already know what I’m talking about.

But I do think it’s sometimes difficult for people to consider BDSM without an emotional reaction, whether that reaction is confusion, or disgust, or shock, or embarrassment. A lot of people don’t like talking about sex at all. Talking about kinky sex? Craziness!

But why is it still a taboo for a lot of people to talk about sex?

I think we’re sometimes afraid to admit our vulnerability. Whenever we open ourselves to another person, it takes trust. To do that during sex, when suddenly we’re sharing our imperfect bodies along with our imperfect desires, is an incredible thing. Add BDSM to the mix, and that trust is magnified.    

For me, the attraction of BDSM is not about the kink. It’s about the trust. Or maybe my kink is trust.

And trust is always a beautiful thing.

Guys, please click here to go to the hop page, and check out all the other authors joining the hop. 

BDSM Week at Boys in Our Books; and news!

Hi everyone! 

Today I am over at Boys In Our Books, talking about BDSM, YKINMK, and other acronyms. Actually, that's a lie. It's just those two. Anyway, head on over if you want to talk about kink, trust, and the eternal question: what's with those hats that leather men wear? 

In other exciting news, only a week until JA Rock and I actually meet! How exciting is that? Pretty exciting. I mean, it must be. I've used the word "exciting" four times in this paragraph already. That's the sort of shit a line editor would pick up on right away, you know. 

And speaking of line editors, wow, it's a busy few weeks coming up. Here's a list of the stuff I have to edit: 

When All The World Sleeps  - with JA Rock

Mark Cooper Versus America - with JA Rock

King of Dublin - with Heidi Belleau

Sweetwater

The more I look at that list, the more terrifying it appears. Oh, did I totally mention I got a contract from Riptide for Sweetwater? Yeah, that happened. 

Wyoming Territory, 1870. Elijah Carter is caught between two very different men, between revenge and despair, in a boom town teetering on the edge of a bust. 

Contains rough BDSM, cheap whiskey, and handsome cowboys. Mmmm...  

And, naturally, a shitload of angst. 

My LHNB story is out: Falling Away

My Love Has No Boundaries story is here! 

You can find Falling Away over at Goodreads (you must be a member of the MM Romance Group), or over on the MM Romance Group site, where it will soon be available to download. 

Here is another look at my picture prompt because...hello! 

Why yes, I will tie you up and do nasty things to you, since you begged so nicely. 

And you should all get onboard at the MM Romance site, since all these stories are FREE! 

What's on your m/m wishlist for 2013?

So here's a sort of a wishlist for 2013, things I'd like to see more of in m/m, and things I'd like to see a lot less of as well. 

Dub-con. I do love me some dub-con. Blackmail stories are really doing it for me at the moment. I love the power games at play there, but I've yet to find one I really love-love. Any recommendations are welcome! 

Puppy play. Hot, cute, and at the same time weirdly humiliating...or so I thought. So often puppy play involves the big nasty Dom getting his rocks off by humiliating his sub, the the puppy play becomes -- and this may be the point, I guess -- dehumanising. The problem with dehumanising a character though, is that pretty soon I stop giving a damn about him. M/m needs more sweet puppy play...but J.A. Rock and I have got some of that covered... :) 

Humiliation. No apologies, I love it. But, like with the puppy play, it's a fine line. Cross it into dehumanisation, and you've lost me. 

Age play. Sometimes creepy, sometimes awesome. I want to read more of the awesome, please. 

More drag queens! But only if we also get to see what happens once the make-up comes off. 

Frat boys. Because they're young, cute, and a completely foreign species to me. We don't have frats in Australia, so all my working knowledges comes from movies and TV. So I basically know nothing. 

ANGST! MORE ANGST! I do love a book that puts me through emotional hell. As a writer, I'm a sadist. As a reader, I'm a total masochist. But it's totally subjective. A book that makes you cry might just make me roll my eyes and wish every character hurried up and died. And vice versa. Everyone's taste is different, which is what makes comparing opinions so much fun. 

And now for the things I'd like to see less of. 

I'd like to see less insta-love, but that's always been a pet peeve of mine. 

I'd also like to see less of what's become a staple in m/m -- the solo shower jerk-off. Now admittedly I have one of these in one of my WIPs, but ever since it was brought to my attention how common it is (thanks, Ami!) it's going to go. 

And while we're on cliches, why are so many Doms multimillionaires who do nothing else but hang out in mysterious sex clubs? Seriously guys, you don't get to be a multimillionaire without at least occasionally going to work. This year, I'd like to see more Doms with real jobs and mortgages, who have to stop off on the way home from the mysterious sex club to buy milk. 

And I hate -- and will always hate -- when a Dom is a Dom because he was abused, abandoned or unloved as a child. Or, worse, when a sub is a sub because he was abused, abandoned, or unloved as a child. Not every kink needs a nasty psychological trigger, and not every scene is a therapy session. Sometimes you just need what you need. It really can be as simple as that. 

What would you like to see more of in m/m? And what really annoys the hell out of you? 

Is it too early for Christmas shopping?

I seriously want these shirts: 

You can buy them all over at  Cafe Press. 


I think I'll buy the asparagus one and wear it to my day job. Talk about a conversation starter!