My gay marriage themed weekend

It started on Friday night when I thought I'd read a chapter or two of J.A. Rock's The Brat-tastic Jayk Parker, the sequel to the hilarious Wacky Wednesday, during which Jayk and Amon tie the knot. You know, just a chapter or two. Famous last words. Hours later, cursing myself for being stupid enough to start it when I needed to be up early in the morning, I finally got to sleep. 

My favourite quote: 

"That's us. Getting gay married tomorrow." 

"We just call it getting married." 

You must stop reading this now, I thought to myself. You're being the celebrant at a gay wedding tomorrow! I mean, just a wedding. 

So, I'm not actually a celebrant, but same sex marriage isn't yet legal in Australia. So while a part of me would have been happier in the audience while someone official did the job, I was absolutely honoured to be asked to do it. 

Honoured, and also terrified. 

But it was a wonderful day, and a beautiful beachside location. And the good news is I didn't screw up any of my lines. And, afterwards, a woman I hadn't met before came up to me. 

"Are you a celebrant?" she asked. 

"No," I said. "I'm not qualified or anything, because it's not a legal wedding." 

"You did a really good job," she said. 

"Oh, thanks!" 

"What do you charge?" 

So, there you have it. I might be doing this again for another lovely same-sex couple later in the year. Port Douglas, here I come! 

BTW, Dina, I charge nothing but alcohol and finger food. 

Other highlights included being outed as a writer of gay erotica during the speeches. "Well," said one of the brides, "when we needed someone to ask to be the celebrant at our wedding, who better than someone who writes gay erotica?" 

Fair point, I guess, although the boy/boy thing probably doesn't push their buttons at all. Except for one unnamed guest who admitted that guys getting it on together were hot, and erect penises were aesthetically pleasing, and she liked looking at them as long as she didn't have have them anywhere near her. 

The quote of the night was from one of the blokes there who said, "You know, that was really confusing. When they kissed, I didn't know whether to be happy or get an erection." 

In the end, I think he was happy to have an erection. Aren't all guys? 

But the quote of the morning after was this, from a very under-the-weather cousin of the bride: 

"I can't do shots!" 

"Baby, you had one." 

"I can't do shot!" 

I'm totally stealing that. 

NZ legalises Marriage Equality

Today is a great day for New Zealand.

And here is one of the best, and funniest, speeches in favour of marriage equality that you will ever see, courtesy of NZ Member of Parliament, Maurice Williamson.

We need more politicians like this in Australia.
Right now.

You may kiss the brides...

I am so excited. But also furious. 

In June, two very good female friends of mine are getting married. To each other, so there's no confusion. It's a beach ceremony -- Nik is ex-navy, and to say that she loves the water is an understatement. Cut that girl and she bleeds saltwater. 

So here's where I am excited: Karen and Nik have asked me to be their celebrant. 

My first reaction was: "What? Me? WHAT?" 

My second was: "But you know I'm not actually a celebrant, right?" 

And that's where the furious comes in, because it's not a legal wedding. The invitations are calling it a wedding, we're all calling it a wedding, but it's not. It's an informal statement of commitment that they're making in front of their friends and family. It is not a legal wedding, and it's not a legal marriage. 

And why the hell not? 

A 2012 poll found that approximately 65% of Australians support marriage equality. 53% of Christians support it. And 52% of Coalition voters support it - that's our conservatives, to overseas readers. I have no doubt the number would be much higher in leftwing voters. And these numbers are on the up and up. A few States have brought in their own recognition of same sex unions (because we can't use the M-word, oh my!) but the Federal government has so far refused to budge. 

So why is that? 

We currently have a leftwing government. Our Prime Minister is an unmarried woman who lives in sin with the First Bloke (not his actual title). To hear her spruik about "traditional families" is watching an exercise in hypocrisy. Julia, I want to tell her, the Christians over there on the far right are beyond appeasement. They already think you're a communist and a fallen woman, so why stop pandering to their hysteria over teh gays? 

We have openly gay politicians. Who live with their long term partners. And have children. And then publicly stand up and say, barefaced, that they believe a marriage should be between a man and a woman. Sometimes they make me angrier than the bigots. At least a bigot isn't a hypocrite. 

Now, I don't care what the church's position is -- any church. Remember the Enlightenment? Remember the separation of Church and State? Yeah, that was great. Let's go back to that. If a gay couple want to get married in a Catholic cathedral, then that's a different fight. But if they want to get married at the courthouse, in the park, or on the beach, and the majority of Australians support that, then isn't it long past overdue? 

So in June I'll be standing on a beach conducting an unofficial commitment ceremony, and I will be happy and delighted and honoured (and nervous!) to do so. But a part of me will wish I was in the audience instead, and that it was a real celebrant standing up in front of my friends.