Why I have left the MMRG on Goodreads

It’s been an interesting few days for the M/M Romance Group on Goodreads. Basically, people of color were hurt by the racism in a historical master/slave story that was written as part of the Don’t Read in the Closet event. A white master/black slave story set in the United States around the time of the civil war.

Hey, who remembers the uproar over the concentration camp “romance”? Frankly, if anyone couldn’t see that a master/slave story set during the American Civil War was a terrible idea, I’m not sure anyone can help them.

Here’s the thing. It is absolutely beyond question that the writer of the story did not mean to cause harm. Nobody is accusing her of that. Nevertheless, people were harmed by this story, because the effects of slavery are still felt today. Racism is a thing. Institutionalised racism is a thing. And so is privilege. And if you can’t see that people are still harmed every day in absolutely tangible ways by racism, then you need to check your privilege.

I’m a white Australian woman. When it comes to privilege, I win some and I lose some. But I always do try to be aware that because I’m white, I’m Western, and I’m middle-class, then there are a hell of a lot of prejudices out there that other people face, that I simply don’t. I recognise that I have privilege, and that sometimes I need to shut up and listen to what other people are saying, rather than dismissing their concerns as something that just doesn’t happen because it’s never happened to me.

For truly excellent reviews of the story in question, I suggest you read Emma Sea’s review, or Mmeguillotine’s review.

The issues with the story aside for now, let’s turn instead to the response from the M/M Romance Group. When people of color stated that they were harmed by this story, I would have thought that the response from a group that so fervently defends LGBTQ rights would have been different than what amounted to: If you don’t like it, leave.

Let’s just repeat that: People were harmed, and instead of the mods apologising for that harm, they threw out the old red herring about censorship, and told people that if they were unhappy in the group then they should go.

Firstly, smarter people than me have pointed out that rejecting a prompt or a story is not censorship. And secondly, telling already marginalised people who are complaining about being marginalised again in a group they thought was a safe place that they’re over-reacting, or they’re too sensitive, or they’re making a big deal out of nothing -- excuse me, that loud bang was the sound of my irony meter exploding.

I have written three stories for the DRitC event, and I have enjoyed doing it. But I have asked that this year my story Hellion be removed from the anthology. It will still be available on the M/M Romance Group site for anyone who wishes to read it. However, I have left the group and will not be writing for the event again. On a professional level, I do not wish to have my work publicly associated with the group whose response to this incident has been tone deaf at best, and racist at worst. On a personal level, I do not wish to be part of a group where others are made to feel unsafe, unwelcome, or unwanted.

And while I know I run the risk of being labelled a sycophant, as others have already been, I assure you that I can and do think for myself. And if anyone wants to label me a badly behaving author, as others have already been, because I believe in taking a stand in this matter, then if that’s easier to do than checking your own privilege, go for it.

LGBTQ Push Back Charity Giveaway

Hi guys! 

I just wanted everyone to be aware that I'm taking part in the Diverse Reader: LGBTQ Push Back Charity Giveaway. 

Want to win a bunch of books? 

It's easy. All you need to do is make adoration to an LGBTQ charity of your choice, then go to Diverse Reader and leave a comment stating you did so. 

As it says over there: 

Changing laws and attitudes takes time, and right now there are LGBT people in need who can’t afford to wait. The sooner we can help them, the better, and the more resources we have, the more help we can offer.

That’s why 224 authors, review bloggers, and publishers have got together to offer something wonderful: a reward for people who do a little bit to give back to charity. Instead of spending $5 on a book in the next two weeks, give that $5 to an LGBT charity of your choice, tell us about it in the comments, and go into the draw to win a book from one of our participating donors. And because it’s not all about money, if you can’t make a donation then please take a moment to share a charity’s links and tell us about that instead.

Three fundraisers have been set up to counter the hateful effects of Indiana’s SB 101. #Pizza4Equality is aiming to match the money raised by *that* pizza parlor, with all donations going to Cyndi Lauper’s True Colors Fund. Another fundraiser is aiming to raise $100,000 for Indiana Youth Group. Finally, Planting Peace is trying to raise $100,000 to provide beds for homeless LGBT people.

Please consider giving to one of these deserving fundraisers, or any other LGBT charity anywhere in the world. We’re not telling you where you should donate your time and money, only asking that you do. The smallest things can make the biggest difference, and together, we can do something incredible.

IOC, Your Cowardice Is Showing

In news today, the Australian media is speculating as to whether gay Australian Olympians could be arrested at the Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia, because of Putin's extraordinary anti-gay laws. But of course, it's not just gay people who can be detained for up to fourteen days under these laws, it's anyone who might be suspected as being pro-gay. I'm not sure what pro-gay means, but I have a feeling anyone reading this post is guilty of it. And anyone writing it. 

* crosses Russia off list of places to travel* 

Australian Olympic Committee spokesman Mike Tancred said this: "Under the IOC charter, discrimination of any kind is strictly forbidden. I am sure the IOC values will prevail."

Really, Mike? Really? 

Well, that's reassuring. Everyone happy to go now?

You see, I like the ideals of the Olympics. All about striving for the best, and what humanity can do blah blah blah, but it’s hard to take the IOC seriously when, really, you know they’re just a bunch of old men who travel the world for free, and get wined and dined and seduced by countries who, for some reason, think that spending a gazillion dollars on a sporting event is a good idea.

But overlooking blatant abuses of human rights? That’s a whole other level.

You can promote yourself as non-political all you like, except for two things. Firstly, IOC, didn't you boycott South Africa during the apartheid era for shit like this? 

And secondly, turning a blind eye to human rights abuses isn’t being non-political. It’s being an accomplice.

For those of us who don’t want to play that game, there is always Amnesty International. 

My gay marriage themed weekend

It started on Friday night when I thought I'd read a chapter or two of J.A. Rock's The Brat-tastic Jayk Parker, the sequel to the hilarious Wacky Wednesday, during which Jayk and Amon tie the knot. You know, just a chapter or two. Famous last words. Hours later, cursing myself for being stupid enough to start it when I needed to be up early in the morning, I finally got to sleep. 

My favourite quote: 

"That's us. Getting gay married tomorrow." 

"We just call it getting married." 

You must stop reading this now, I thought to myself. You're being the celebrant at a gay wedding tomorrow! I mean, just a wedding. 

So, I'm not actually a celebrant, but same sex marriage isn't yet legal in Australia. So while a part of me would have been happier in the audience while someone official did the job, I was absolutely honoured to be asked to do it. 

Honoured, and also terrified. 

But it was a wonderful day, and a beautiful beachside location. And the good news is I didn't screw up any of my lines. And, afterwards, a woman I hadn't met before came up to me. 

"Are you a celebrant?" she asked. 

"No," I said. "I'm not qualified or anything, because it's not a legal wedding." 

"You did a really good job," she said. 

"Oh, thanks!" 

"What do you charge?" 

So, there you have it. I might be doing this again for another lovely same-sex couple later in the year. Port Douglas, here I come! 

BTW, Dina, I charge nothing but alcohol and finger food. 

Other highlights included being outed as a writer of gay erotica during the speeches. "Well," said one of the brides, "when we needed someone to ask to be the celebrant at our wedding, who better than someone who writes gay erotica?" 

Fair point, I guess, although the boy/boy thing probably doesn't push their buttons at all. Except for one unnamed guest who admitted that guys getting it on together were hot, and erect penises were aesthetically pleasing, and she liked looking at them as long as she didn't have have them anywhere near her. 

The quote of the night was from one of the blokes there who said, "You know, that was really confusing. When they kissed, I didn't know whether to be happy or get an erection." 

In the end, I think he was happy to have an erection. Aren't all guys? 

But the quote of the morning after was this, from a very under-the-weather cousin of the bride: 

"I can't do shots!" 

"Baby, you had one." 

"I can't do shot!" 

I'm totally stealing that. 

NZ legalises Marriage Equality

Today is a great day for New Zealand.

And here is one of the best, and funniest, speeches in favour of marriage equality that you will ever see, courtesy of NZ Member of Parliament, Maurice Williamson.

We need more politicians like this in Australia.
Right now.

You may kiss the brides...

I am so excited. But also furious. 

In June, two very good female friends of mine are getting married. To each other, so there's no confusion. It's a beach ceremony -- Nik is ex-navy, and to say that she loves the water is an understatement. Cut that girl and she bleeds saltwater. 

So here's where I am excited: Karen and Nik have asked me to be their celebrant. 

My first reaction was: "What? Me? WHAT?" 

My second was: "But you know I'm not actually a celebrant, right?" 

And that's where the furious comes in, because it's not a legal wedding. The invitations are calling it a wedding, we're all calling it a wedding, but it's not. It's an informal statement of commitment that they're making in front of their friends and family. It is not a legal wedding, and it's not a legal marriage. 

And why the hell not? 

A 2012 poll found that approximately 65% of Australians support marriage equality. 53% of Christians support it. And 52% of Coalition voters support it - that's our conservatives, to overseas readers. I have no doubt the number would be much higher in leftwing voters. And these numbers are on the up and up. A few States have brought in their own recognition of same sex unions (because we can't use the M-word, oh my!) but the Federal government has so far refused to budge. 

So why is that? 

We currently have a leftwing government. Our Prime Minister is an unmarried woman who lives in sin with the First Bloke (not his actual title). To hear her spruik about "traditional families" is watching an exercise in hypocrisy. Julia, I want to tell her, the Christians over there on the far right are beyond appeasement. They already think you're a communist and a fallen woman, so why stop pandering to their hysteria over teh gays? 

We have openly gay politicians. Who live with their long term partners. And have children. And then publicly stand up and say, barefaced, that they believe a marriage should be between a man and a woman. Sometimes they make me angrier than the bigots. At least a bigot isn't a hypocrite. 

Now, I don't care what the church's position is -- any church. Remember the Enlightenment? Remember the separation of Church and State? Yeah, that was great. Let's go back to that. If a gay couple want to get married in a Catholic cathedral, then that's a different fight. But if they want to get married at the courthouse, in the park, or on the beach, and the majority of Australians support that, then isn't it long past overdue? 

So in June I'll be standing on a beach conducting an unofficial commitment ceremony, and I will be happy and delighted and honoured (and nervous!) to do so. But a part of me will wish I was in the audience instead, and that it was a real celebrant standing up in front of my friends. 

Let’s Talk About Sex. And Music. And Rude Words.

My nephew is seven. The other night he announced that his best friend’s big sister loves One Direction, but he and his best friend think they’re gay. Translation: they hate their music.

I’m pretty sure he knew he’d made a mistake when I stopped whatever I was doing and gave him my full attention.

“Do you know what gay means?”

He knew it was a trick question, but he also knew he couldn’t back out now. So he told me:

“Gay means if you’re a boy you like boys and if you’re a girl you like girls.”

“That’s right. And what does that have to do with hating One Direction?”

Dead silence.

“So don’t call something gay if you don’t like it. You know that’s not what gay means.”

It’s so easy for kids to pick up prejudices. When did gay become such a casual insult anyway? When I was a kid nobody would have said it, in case it backfired and people thought you were gay. But now it’s like it’s come out the other side of the looking glass and it’s everywhere. That haircut? Gay. That video game score? Gay. This homework assignment? Totally gay.

And don’t mistake this for harmless. It’s not the same intolerance my generation grew up with, but it’s still intolerance, and it's still as fucking wrong. 

My nephew’s a good kid. He’s a smart kid. He thought over what I said for a while.  Then he said: “Aunty Lisa, you know those guys LMFAO?”

“Yes.”

“I like them. Do you want me to tell you what LMFAO stands for?”

“No thanks.”

For the record, he did, but he whispered it.

I hope these are the moments that count. Not being told what LMFAO stands for—I already knew that—but the other stuff. When the adults around him call him on the things that are important, and try really hard to keep a straight face when he asks you if it’s true what Mum told him: You have to be over thirty or a rock star before you can say the word fuck.

Oh yeah, that’s absolutely true.

Argument Over

Just this: 

Nuff said.